(序)

 

以前在金融界服务的人 ,多半是西裝笔挺 , 道貌岸然, 一副從不訛賴, 绝对可靠的那類.   但近年來這行業不幸已演变为龍蛇混雜之平台.  職員當中自然还有忠心服务的, 有智商过人的,有擅长搞朋黨的, 爱抄捷徑的, 有刻板的,有小貪的,有些人無情 ,有些無義 ,有怕輸的, 更有"多做多錯,少做少錯,不做不錯"的忠实信徒, 精通耍太極的.

在小鎮上, 一般人走進银行,就像进了衙门 ,對爺們打躬作揖, 哈腰,説話軽声,唯唯諾諾.  但背地裡都調侃戲谑的稱他们為銀行鬼. 鬼者,有些少能耐,却不完全可靠,既会做順水人情,也能翻舟敗事.

我在六十年代入行,抚躬自问对客户不壞, 也樂予助人,初次聼闻那外号, 總覺得委屈, 耿耿於懷 . 但经过了一段日子的磨練, 也逐漸修厚了臉皮,成了城隍爺. 回溯當年的點點滴滴,發現真的有小撮無聊無知的職員,無情的招呼那些無奈無辜的客户 ,有意無意的整他们.

我现在算是个局外人,冷眼旁观 ,見証了不少鬧劇, 回想起来也禁不住莞爾 我还有在岗位的朋友, 实在没有奚落他们的企图,也不是存心要贬低这行業.紀錄下來的个䅁,如有雷同, 纯属意外.

银行鬼系列

嘟嘟.... 嘟嘟....
電話响断了都没人接, 莫非銀行被人打搶了吧!
再試
嘟嘟.... 嘟嘟....
他說 : 喂!
你想 : 喂?我撥过去九龙的茶餐廳了嗎? 要不要來一客三文治, 絲襪奶茶, 或者咖啡, 飛沙走雪?
你问: 那是某某銀行吗 我找外滙的.
他說 :等下
嘟嘟....嘟嘟.....
哈囉 ! 那边廂像是个金髪碧眼的, 洋腔十足, ….但用詞不當 ,分明是个本地人在装腔作勢.
你問:  我们可以講华語嗎?
她說 : 可以, 你要’座摸’?
你想:  哎呦 ,香蕉人也.
你説:  我要今天的人民幤的兌換率
她説:  負責的不在.
你想 : 你一定是不負责的那一位.
你問 : 那你要我怎辦? 放弃? 留言? 嘱他回電?
再问 : 别人幫不上? 只有一位專人?
嘟嘟.... 嘟嘟... 她似乎不忿,不動聲色撥分机
哈囉 ! 有个嚣张, 不耐烦的声音.
你説:   今天的人民幣甚麼行情?
他吼:  你打錯了, 等 !
嘟嘟.... 嘟嘟....
惡漢說:  沒人聼, 可能在電話中, 再等下!

你想 : 電話裡可住人?

嘟嘟.... 嘟嘟....
断缐了, 氣结了 !

有一天, 我們年长了

收藏的黑白照片都泛黄了, 那單調的色彩有一種略带詭譎, 似是故人來的感觉,  掺着少许煙塵朦朧的凄美.  啊, 那群灰姑娘和醜小鴨, 不知何時已破繭而出, 展翅飞去, 又像離巢的小鳥, 準備奔向太陽, 義無反顧般追尋理想, 壯志凌云一番 ! 回顧那青春的迷惑, 成長的痛苦, 又惦念那時不覊的豪爽, 磅礡氣勢, 使人咋舌, 不可一世的風發.   那段过程自然有無数的徬徨, 受挫的無奈.  是的, 部份的歡欣, 確是用淚水灌溉的. 数十年的時光 就是由淡淡的悲伤和幽幽的幸福組合成的拚盤. 依然記得那未续的情谊 也忘不了那逝去的尘缘.

曾誇口說自己的記憶力似深邃的海洋, 半世纪前的芝麻小事也能記得,  但近期所做的, 需了解的或会局部性的遗漏.  自问有鎖上大门吗 ?  车子泊在那一角落 ?  约了明天見面, 还是下星期 ？这熟人叫甚麽名字?  隨着過份依賴科技的發達, 朋友的電話號码几乎忘得一乾二净. 那些新玩意儿其實也会变为夢魘 , 智能手机,電腦都累赘, 惹烦恼 , 時而方便, 時而不管用, 控制權漸漸易手了, 大腦功能也已開始萎縮.

和友人交谈不再從盤古闢荒, 女媧補天开始.  少描述体壇动态 ,不纸上談兵切磋球藝心得, 再不推荐新出的書籍. 不用語言的刀光剑影, 評論政治的咄咄逼人. 卻侃侃的述说病疼, 談病源, 尋求療养法, 了解前列腺肥大如何令人疲憊 心律失常如何補救。也興致盎然談養生之道. 该吃的, 要避免的, 如何與時日拨河, 抗衡歲月對身軀的侵蝕.  偶爾還忘形充当無牌的專科大夫.  雖說狀態仍算合格, 但体能已顯得孱弱, 步履漸蹒跚, 四肢有点生硬,  僥悻口齿尚未含混, 也还保得住尊严和矜持. 外表可能不是最重要的, 但總得避免看相邋遢的, 垮垮的, 襤褸的.

從安親班到养老院 医药费和保單, 有時更会談到如何寫遺囑,  用誰做執行, 也分析採取土葬, 火葬, 海葬的不同,  就算西藏人的天葬也能放肆地, 毫無避忌的, 前仰後阖的开玩笑, 可惜自嘲一番後又免不了悲凉唏嘘一番! 沈醉的不再是令人震撼的電子結他, 而是如泣如訴的揚琴和琵琶. 不再比激情高歌, 只喜歡淺吟低唱:

風還狠狠的括,

蝴蝶尚戀鮮花,

流逝的年華,

不再清秀的面頰,

額邊蒼蒼的白髮....

阅读,看電影都愛重復, 只怕漏了关键的对白, 精彩的片段.  科题都是有关六七十歲人的悲欢離合, 间中再回味那曾经迷失的惆怅,  那錯失的良机, 未处理妥当的人際关系. 世上有幾个人能老实的說一生中毫無遗憾?   報章上的訃闻也成了必讀, 得瞧瞧有誰不辞而別, 见过面的, 似曾相識的 ,失去联络的.  當然没机会看到自己的, 且留些給別人承受吧 ! 雖說無消息便是好消息 但最终的信息可能是个倉促的電話 或是要作最後的探訪, 或是某某人已添了輪椅, 令一人做了血管成形術  还有一个巳开始接受電療... 死亡不可避免, 也不可怕, 麻烦的是在等候室的那段時间, 末班车遲遲不到.

原本可在三两天內就看完的書, 不捨得一氣呵成, 恋着那細膩的情感.  讀到龍應台回鄉下葬老爸的骨灰, 真不忍心看最后的離別,  胆怯嘛, 數日後才發现那两頁竟是整本書的完結篇, 真窩囊 .  那一天我真的年长了 !

東遊記

日本即太陽之本,又叫瑞穗.  扶桑代表東方, 古中國就稱它為東瀛.  據說當年秦皇派人四處尋找長生不老藥, 部份專員就在那落地生根. 他們總算與龍的傳人有些淵源吧.

日本人都在上中學後才接觸外文, 英語對話自然有口難言, 寫的中文還似乎不少, 別以為認識些少方塊字, 和他們溝通難度就不太高.  其實日文也納入了羅馬和拉丁字, 漢式日字不能望文正義, 例如:

非常口=出口   女將=老板娘   急須=茶壺   精進=素食   玉子無料=雞蛋免費
宅急便不是公廁, 是快遞 !

畢竟日文也那麼多采多姿.

 整個國家人口的十份之一都擠在京城, 交通就靠公車了, 地鐵四通八達, 單看平面指示圖, 會覺得太複雜 , 路線像團蚯蚓, 但系統頗可靠, 管用.

倉促的數天行程, 走馬看花似的去了幾地方, 差點沒在牆上塗鴉, 寫上某年某月某某人到此一遊.  可惜沒緣見到村上春樹, 也沒踫上喜多郎.予人印象較深刻的景點包括:

代代木公園

路旁林立的櫻樹和銀杏樹到夏末還蓊葱.  明治神宮, 就在這12 萬樹木和草坪環抱, 人們經常在此為家庭, 生育, 升學等祈福, 更有成丁的元服儀式,結婚典禮.繫有紅繩的幾棵高齡大樹是覓緣的好逑男士,窈窕淑女的最愛. 附近一帶的大街, 成群結隊的學生頻頻出現, 這是少男少女流行時裝的發源地, 每逢週末, 追星族穿著奇裝異服, 盡興表演, 發揮他們的明星天賦.

淺草

 遠遠就看到了廟宇入口處門前懸掛的一盞巨型燈籠, 上書'雷門'二字, 原來淺草寺是由威風凜凜的風神和雷神鎮守, 寺院內有尊五重塔. 廣場範圍內除了旅客, 虔誠信徒, 还有不厌其烦為客人仔細介紹土產的售貨員, 拉着人力車奮力奔跑的壯男, 各有各忙碌, 似乎活得蛮充實

上野

曾是文化中心, 舊時的交通樞紐, 稱北大門. 沫着斜陽的公園, 有股凝固的冷峻. 顯得常被遺忘. 惟有在櫻花盛開時再現人潮. 有好幾個在露宿, 涉臨絕望的老人, 在石級上踽踽徜徉, 幾分落寞, 排惻, 臉上灑落無限的惆悵

築地

築地是東京十大海鮮批發市場之首, 也是世界之最. 現也成為觀光地, 慕名而來的人源源不絕. 甚至會妨礙有關的生意操作. 狹窄的老店大清早就門庭若市,顧客在外排長龍,  可憐兮兮, 耐心的守候, 等吃刺身及寿司, 餐室內有空調 ,地方小得司憐, 坐在小凳上, 就沒轉身之空間.

 箱根

多數人到了日本定去富士山朝聖, 最佳旅遊時候是二月到五月, 才有機會一親芳澤,看到山上的積雪. 先乘巴士到山腳. 箱根距東京90 公里, 在火山口的湖上遠眺富士山景色應是壯觀, 可惜秋雨綿綿, 未見'蘆'山真面目. 有船隻泊在岸邊, 客人都上仿18世紀大不烈顛軍艦, 或復造海盜船觀光, 往窗外望, 一片朦朧, 正是

不見蓑笠漁汀暗

獨有江船燈火明

入晚, 乘高捷返京. 或許鐵路平坦, 未能感覺到讓子彈飛的刺激.

中目黑

悠閒但充滿個性品味的本土設計, 有機店, 傳統雜貨店, 錯落在溪川兩側, 裝飾和佈置各有自己特色, 獨樹一幟. 在河岸來回閒遊的輕鬆寫意, 份外教人珍惜,愜意的渡過一段浮生時光.  想像在春天開花的季節裡, 河水倒影, 夜間配上燈光, 偶爾輕風撩起, 教人真正領略到水中月, 鏡中花的玄.

澀谷

與銀座同樣出名的繁華商業街, 又是年輕人文化的發源地. 十字路口有龐大的電視牆, 不斷播放新聞廣告. 成群時髦酷男倩女, 手持電話, 相約而來, 這是都是高低頭一族, 遠婚族, 鑽石王老五的三合一, 令好奇的目不暇接,  供人休閒的消費埸所, 鄰次櫍比, 街道充滿青春活力,

也許是日本人的內斂,就算到處都是熙來攘往的人潮,也不覺得喧嘩, 所見到的都和藹待人, 盡可能有問必答, 商家也客氣, 那不斷聲聲熱情的'歡迎光臨', 重複的'感謝', 令人感到溫馨, 接觸過的人等, 似乎都敬業樂業, 腳踏實地努力生活着. 最令人驚訝的是衛生間的清潔, 又乾又淨, 垃圾桶少見, 原來人們都各自把它帶回家處理. 就憑這幾點, 就有人呼籲'向東學習'.但若缺了那份誠意, 單作表面功夫, 那就是东施效颦吧 !

607 (2013)

那是 1961年吧 ,  我们一群华小學生踏入英語傳媒中学,猶如劉姥姥入大觀園,不知所措. 單單學英文文法 ,就難若登天,何况不斷还有新的詞彙,為了讓我们会话顺暢,咬字清晰,老师教我们唸童謡 ,讀繞口令, 朗诵詩歌.  地理課本所提及的各類土壤 ,气象台的儀器,岩石的形成. 歷史紀錄的戰爭,王朝的糾紛,精彩得像武俠小說的環結,真得是学海無涯呀! 就算是我们最熟識的母語, 也不見得容易把握,我们要理解的白马論.... 公孫龍説

              

马者,  所以命形也,

白者, 所以命色也 

 命色者非名形也 

 故曰: 白马非马

謬論 !古文观止, 若止於之乎者也 ,豈不亦樂乎? 数学的程式多,有点玄,有点抽象,但被罸寫一千次後,大家都能牢牢記緊. 还好踏入社会大学後,  多数人只需運用加,減,乘,除法既足矣,正是人生有幾何,何需唸三角.

功課雖繁重,老師们也讓我们见识了新玩意,有莎士比亞的浪漫, 畢加索的抽象畫, 还有西方绅士式的板球, 粗犷的鈎球和欖球 .  流行西曲也譜進了校园,同学们各自对英,美樂壇貓王的見解, 偏爱, 舌戰, 喋喋不休 , 直到披头四的來臨 ,大家才能同曲共鳴.

當年我们对師長的嚴肅的一絲不苟 ,但求做得最好的期望有点吃不消,和他们共处時会戰戰競競, 但对他们苦心教诲, 個別的才华却也欽佩不己 . 半世纪後那份尊師重道的心态是有过之而無不及 .  依然感激當年他们的督促, 輔導和包容, 指引我們走過那叛逆的青葱年代.  只是彼此的

 距离却拉短了 , 他们亦師亦友, 大家的共同点多了, 例如: 到銀行,政府部门均有特別櫃台; 乘火車,看電影都有优折; 医药常识增加了, 和医生也成了朋友 ; 数十年前的小事都有深刻的印象, 近期的却特别有挑战性.

老同学聚会不是每个人的最愛 , 來日方長嘛. 殊不知三两年後座位安排或有改变, 素食宴一旁,肉食动物 則坐在另一边 , 十年後人數應會驟然減少,極可能正式出席的只剩一桌, 不能出席者纪念照一桌, 明年抑或無常那一樣先到,又有誰能知曉.

天下无不散的宴席,我們暫且不理會別離的黯然,僅指望再聚首的歡欣,既然留不住昔日崢嶸歲月,且珍惜朝夕陽正紅.別後不知幾時見,願大家珍重,保持健康,後会有期.

A daughter's diary

My father complained of abdominal irritation. It began with occasional discomfort, and then gradually developed into intermittent sharp shooting pain. This once-upon-a-time Iron Man used to love his platter. But for the past 4 weeks or so, he had been abstaining, his prescribed medication for heart problems included. Warded in the hospital again, he looked rather dejected and discouraged, except when his old mates came a calling. Then there would be an obvious adrenaline rush to support his enthusiasm to catch up. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ He was given a 'routine' check up. The physician told us in no uncertain terms that the patient's condition was unlikely to turnaround. We were warned against harbouring false hope so that we could come to terms with reality and face the inevitable in due course. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I felt warm each time I held his hands and I cherished the moments I could share with him. The mornings were exceptionally special as I often feared he would not see dawn again. What was on his mind, whatever he thought of, whatever he was staring at, seemed to be at a different horizon. There were no sparkles in his eyes, totally without all that shine and colour. I looked at some old snapshots received from my uncle to rediscover his radiant smile. He liked to steal the thunder in group photographs, as he had a unique body language. Mum silently endured all the tantrums he threw, just refused to give up on him. That was 'love means never having to say you’re sorry' . ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dad's condition further deteriorated. His fists were clenched as he endeavoured to put up a fight with the cancer cells that were gnawing at his vitals. In a matter of few days, he aged several folds. It was such a sorry state to behold. As friends came visiting, he looked at them gratefully. Such a quandary for me because on one hand I hoped he would go peacefully, in comfort, along with him his finesse and carefree attitude , no fuss ! On the other hand, I secretly prayed for a miracle. Actually I forgot about the intense operation he had last Friday, it was already a miracle that he survived. My uncle emailed a youtube link. The piece of music was as sweet as bitter. bitter as my mood. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dad weighed a meagre 40 kg. He would neither eat not drink, but allowed the growth to erode his system. For 2 days in a row, his limbs trembled now and then, and went into spasm. Looked as if his brain functions were failing too. He could hardly expressed himself. The doctor increased the dosage as well as frequency of his pain-killer. The specialist declared that any, or a combination of the followings: spreading tumors, weakening heart, malnutrition could cost dad’s endangered life. My sister and I were at the bedside last night and left Mum at home to rest. We were all exhausted. He looked sickly, gloomy, and in pain. I felt the agony too, deep in my heart. The doctor-on-call stopped supplying antibiotics, implying the battle was lost. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This morning father's condition called for red alert. He almost failed to pull through. The physician told us again to prepare our hearts. Dad seemed to have something to tell me, but was too weak to speak up. He had no option but just pat my head and gestured for me to stop crying. Then he waved goodbye, for the fifth time. He spent more and more time in deep slumber. I was afraid he might not wake up again. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- His every single move was clumsy and strenuous. He was far off his prime even before this. We all suffered just looking at him. Doctor said whatever was supposed to take place, would happen soon. He gave him 24 hours. I was not ready to let go as yet. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 30 hours went past. Doctor's estimate was not so accurate after all. Dad slept well, inspite of his slight fever. At a glance, he looked stable without any sign of struggles. Tonight all 3 of us would stay in the ward, just in case. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 30-9-2011, it was 11.35 pm . Father finally passed off. He drew his last breath and shrugged off all his aches and pains. We did not go hysterical, but the tears and pain in our hearts were simply too hard to suppress. We wept bitterly in each other’s arms. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fare you well my father. He was cremated and the ritual was swiftly over amidst traces of peace , tranquility and the 'miss-you' feelings. Dad's friends and folks came to pay their last respect and see him off his final journey on earth. I thought he might be pleased. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was so ironical that it had to be my birthday. We took a boat at around 2 pm & had his ashes scattered off shore. Mum shrieked for a few minutes, releasing all her pent-up emotions. Sea waves echoed, mingling with the cries of seagull, otherwise, silence was just deafening. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was some memory, totally unforgettable. I could still feel the breeze, that rustled through my long hair, leaving behind tiny crystals of salt. As I looked back, pedal of flowers were set in motion by the waves, drifting apart. Then I realised I no longer had this someone I could lean on. That helplessness almost had me drowned.