家書

 这篇十多年寫的一篇回憶錄, 只有四十到六十年左右出生的恐龙才明白. 比较年輕的人沒聽過尺牘, 電滙, 红衛兵, 沒去過郵政局, 用麵粉袋製衣物像不可能的使命 . 想多了, 現代人不唸繁體字, 那有心境去讀東方夜譚！喜歡時光倒流的, 我們一齊回味一下.

家書 

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當年小學有科"尺牘", 課程從信封,信紙開始, 到郵票, 郵筒,郵政局, 直到寫信的方式和技巧.  

其中有一篇課文, 是一封父親致兒子的家書. 信這樣開始: XX吾兒: 此次送汝到星洲就讀, 耗資甚鉅-----------(其他的之乎者也, 都忘了) 為父的慎重告誡兒子, 得善用資源, 埋頭用功, 卻也不忘順便安撫一番, 鼓勵幾句, 望子成龍之心不言而喻. 

廿載後我負笈遠行, 初到貴境, 除了人地生疏, 又得克服時差 , 要給家人報平安, 可真不知從何開始 , 況且太久沒寫信, 幾個字都寫得四不像. 到底是己? 已 ? 還是巳 ? 辦 ? 辨? 辯 ? 無法鑒定和確認, 惟有刻意塗鴉, 掩飾別字 ,就當那是狂飆的草書吧. 同時的華語課本, 確有一篇提及像差不多先生的把"何瑞奇醫科" 寫成"阿端哥醬料". 

康熙字典有4萬7 千字, 我勉強認識 2千, 唸得出的減半, 寫得像的不足一百. 嗯, 有需要告訴雙親我的窘況嗎 ? 向來午餐M$1.20 有交易, 白開水免費, 唐人街豉油雞飯一客價錢等於馬幣五元, 膽汁都嚇乾了, 就像腹中的墨水一般,

第一封家書需要苦苦思索, 尤其難產, 有句歇後語形容得貼切...半個月繡不出花, 針慢也 . 相比之下, 去袋鼠國的那位摯友就太憨直了. 他寫道: 父親大人: 這地方東西很貴, 我不敢隨便花錢. 今天只買一粒橙子充飢...... .結果老爸足足哭了兩天. 接着馬上着手辦兩件事, 貸款, 電匯 ! 

寫信回家當然只能報喜不報憂, 既然沒有甚麼值得慶幸, 又不能重複寫 " 我很好, 勿念 ", 慢慢就演變成漸行漸遠漸無書的狀態 , 讓老人家瞎猜,苦等. 正是養兒百年, 擔憂九九, 未當父母者不可能明白那種心境 . 

記得我家大姐從內地來函, 每次都宣揚那廂的生產大躍進, 歌頌人民領袖的偉大不朽 , 她也自豪的公佈幾個孩子都當了紅衛兵 , 婉惜遠在南洋的親友沒機會細讀那本主席紅色的語錄小冊子, 在信的末端有意無意提起天氣慢慢轉變, 訴求麵粉袋二十個, 補衣, 鋪牀都管用, 豐衣足食還談不上.

扶桑鄉下有種另類的, 叫石頭書. 為父的素不直言愛兒子, 就選一塊粗糙的石頭放在兒子手上, 信息是玉不瑑不成器. 在小孩的成長過程中, 爸爸會默默的支持他, 關懷他. 孩子長大後事業有成, 也有了自已的家庭, 就回贈父親一顆幼細圓滑的石頭, 表示老爸可放心了. 若爹有何不測, 等不及, 當兒子的只好在奔喪時, 把它放在遺體冰冷的手中, 藉此表達那未說出口的愛, 祈望老人家不再擔心,一路好走 ! 

石頭沒有字符, 不能言, 不會開口, 卻能如此這般宣泄感情, 堪稱獨特, 美麗 . 石痴陸遊也驚嘆 : 

花如解语還多事 

石不能言最可人

地瓜

當年番薯是窮人家的主要糧食之一. 像千牛花,薯苗蔓延, 爬滿了菜畦. 青葱的,綠油油的葉子用來摻著餿水喂豬, 藏在土裡一根根, 一條條才是人吃的.

平時米飯不夠分配時, 幹活的男人理壯氣直, 貪婪的, 大口大口的吃, 小孩任性的嫌棄, 浪費, 招來謾罵, 譴責, 當母親的扎目揪心, 粒粒皆辛苦的檢回, 盡量多吃帶皮的番薯, 間中挾些冷了的菜餚, 吃的辛酸, 委曲, 不哼聲, 卻又覺得僥倖, 似乎還帶着感恩, 至少還能撐滿肚皮, 繼續捱下去.

偶爾也有人把番薯放在燒到盡頭的火炭中燴, 但甚考功夫, 耐力, 搞不好, 就是頭不熟, 尾巴焦. 家家戶戶都在自家後院種些農產品, 番薯自然賣不到錢, 反像被咒的人, 土氣, 沒啥用, 不掙錢, 無價值. 能花錢的人, 多不屑一顧, 每斤五分錢的番薯, 是人吃的嗎 ? 到了七十年代, 高原的遊客多了, 鮮花, 蔬菜也水漲船高, 番薯賣五角一斤, 那才是開始.

近年好些國家的旅遊景點都有人兜售地瓜, 天安門附近的攤子, 有賣烤番薯的, 天氣寒瑟時烤番薯有助保暖, 熱騰騰的, 香味撲鼻, 蜜油直滴, 捧在雙手中特別窩心, 可要提防那些向錢看的把你付的五十元往口袋塞, 當十元找給你. 稍有經驗的遊客都會提高嗓子說 : 我交五十元給你, 以防小販左袋進, 右袋還.

比較起來, 南大門, 西門町的攤主, 都多點誠意, 憨厚, 不耍花招. 本地的大排檔已有炒番薯葉一味, 清炒, 加腐乳, 蒜米, 或類似馬來風光泡製, 任點唔嬲, 隨君選擇. 薯苗雖未致登大雅之堂, 說是老饗心頭愛, 也可當之無愧.

地瓜亦可在白色米粒間熬出甜香味, 番薯粥特具引吸引力, 初一, 十五就甭問, 否則會犯禁忌, 招來白眼 . 吃地瓜稀飯不但可充飢, 也稍為滿足一種保健的虛榮, 感覺不錯, 既有營養, 包括維生素甲, 乙, 丙, 也是葉酸, 銅的良好來源, 最低限度, 它清腸胃嘛 .

今時今日, 番薯, 連同江魚仔, 南瓜都靜悄悄的飛上枝頭, 是比較講究, 捨得花錢的人才問津, 有的喜歡軟的地瓜, 入口糯糯的, 要黃的, 挑紅的, 紫色的, 有機的, 澳洲運來的, 從日本進口的, 番薯的'甜頭', 使它們多才多藝, 網上看得到的食譜, 包括做布丁, 奶油蛋羹, 餡餅, 蛋糕, 各種甜品, 愛吃鹹的, 可配肉桂, 姜, 椰子, 肉荳蔻燒烤, 以及一些砂鍋小菜, 時事變遷, 消費人口味不一樣, 價值觀也不同了. 飄洋過海來的, 可賣八元一斤, 漲幅是天文數目, 有是普通人吃的嗎 ? 番薯啊番薯, 畢竟你也有翻身的一天 ! (修訂)

舊雨重逢
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來的都是不折不扣的银发一族, 大夥兒的輪廓和背影都沾上了昨日黃花 , 英雄迟暮的色彩 , 但當中霸气豪情, 猶如紅日当天的也大不乏人, 这確是一群身经百战的好漢 , 像马拉松赛程中在作最後冲刺的健兒们 . 相隔四十七年后再聚集一堂, 壯哉, 欢欣, 喜悦, 惊讶, 感慨..... 声声驚嘆 : '時间都去那儿了?'

上了髪梢的倦容始终掩蓋不了犹存的赤子心, 喧哗了好一陣子, 使人不禁想起當年課室裡的声浪,追溯青葱年代的梦想和抱負, 加插着因賦新詞強說愁的胡疑, 又联想起少年的煩惱 ,隨意在彼此心波投影 . 啊, 那年代过份的矜持 , 莫須有的拘束, 不可思議的一厢情愿, 又為所倾慕的一份细水長流的无奈和絲絲旳惆悵, 面对那大江东去不能改变的有点唏嘘, 慶幸猶有寬容的氣度, 坦然接受不可改变的殘酷 . 走过了辛酸苦辣的崎岖路, 当然也有值得骄傲的風光, 絕對温馨的時刻.

这群人不刻意下岗, 痴等末班車, 我们的步伐只緩和而不停頓, 特別珍惜享受我们擁有的, 最好有天大家还能再一起在晚風中翱翔 , 夕陽下绚丽. 讓每一天都灿烂, 每一日皆精彩.

我们約好明年此日又重聚, 不見不散. 我们且不唱骊歌, 只颂友谊万歳 . 我们不怕為伤感哭泣, 更不忌因感恩掉熱涙. 那些不克赴约者 我们除了惦記, 还有思念 , 更献上衷心的祝福 ,但愿人長久, 千里共婵娟 ！

我的壞朋友

小陳來自鴉城, 五短身材, 在直冷甲執教, 略有語言天材细胞, 是'英語'人, 华語非常本土. 轉投碧小後, 新同僚都自卑了, 想不到自己有一個講超爤华語的老師為伍, 真是冇眼睇, 也約束自己非禮勿聽矣. 但他的国語不比任何人差, 英語更超人一等, 大家只好敬他一尺.

沙兄蓄長发, 大嘴吧, 貌似悟淨, 不吃猪肉, 不沾猪油, 但炒麵上桌, 脆脆的’花生米’ 却多多益善. 他对华裔似乎特别有好感, 岗位在政府部门,講究典型的白領階級文化.

當年投笔從農的老黎, 失恋次数最甚, 只怪自己也不知何棄何從, 在同一時期周旋在三位閨蜜之间. 那三位样貌, 才能都不一样, 所謂燕瘦環肥, 各有千秋. 膚色也像來自三個国家, 暗地裡我们稱她们為"白", "更白", "最白". 有次他與小陳同時看上一名花园之花, 踫面都免不了各自吹嘘自己的把握, 幾乎鬧得不欢而散. 後來美人蟬曳殘聲过別枝, 無須仲連人, 兄弟情又挽回了, 迄今仍有那'有今生, 冇來世' 的感覺.

邱君和我都是銀行襄理, 在那時代可是鑽石王老五. 邱兄脾氣火爆, 有一次在足球场上和隊友大演鉄公雞, 導火線是一位紅顏知己, 最后他赢得美人歸. 成家后依然埋队, 經常和我们一齊浪費青春.

儘管父母亲渴望我早日成家立業, 我却有被缚綁的感覺, 常有窒息之危, 不忿, 終日納悶, 導致我憂鬱, 除此之外, 還是憂鬱. 七十年代我離鄉别井, 乘風而去. 小陳稍後也離队,往西取経去, 遺下的算是半片真空吧.

去年年杪重逢已是人隔离万重山, 但江山易改, 火爆的依然最牛. 在金融界的一輩子都離不了数目字, 和臭銅結上不解之缘, 股海中看大江东去, 浪淘盡千古風流人物 . 邱君似乎一脚已踏入袋鼠囯. 沙老娶了寫方塊字的, 但再不踏入义燒门. 黎子得了白雪三友之一的堂妹, 仍嗜杯中物 !

小陈成了陈老,打扮不再時髦, 穿著简直只有兩字可形容---'沈'和'陳', 既陳舊, 又暮氣沈沈. 自霧都和我一別, 他已是執業律師一名, 擅長打官司, 尢其是大机構訟訴, 在国内法律界頗有名氣. 看看他私藏的参考書, 就清楚他对工作的熱誠. 環境不錯, 真的是書中自有黃金屋吧 .

枉為當年精裝追女仔的代言人, 第一次见家長時小陳就被女方三代人圍攻, 說了”我願意”! 成婚典礼也是贸贸然單刀赴会, 就連伴郎也由夫人借將搞定. 婚後每年添丁, 却就差了一点点, 只好把心一横, 讓妻子率領五千金移民枫葉国, 深造就業. 自己當个太空人, 两地奔波. 老陈現在是電腦白痴, 普通手機都不能應用, 联络客户, 都由菲佣越俎代庖.

这是我们的故事, 今年年中聚会过後, 不太可能再有整体合照了. 嫂夫人們都素未謀面, 遺憾, 遺憾 !

(序)

 

以前在金融界服务的人 ,多半是西裝笔挺 , 道貌岸然, 一副從不訛賴, 绝对可靠的那類.   但近年來這行業不幸已演变为龍蛇混雜之平台.  職員當中自然还有忠心服务的, 有智商过人的,有擅长搞朋黨的, 爱抄捷徑的, 有刻板的,有小貪的,有些人無情 ,有些無義 ,有怕輸的, 更有"多做多錯,少做少錯,不做不錯"的忠实信徒, 精通耍太極的.

在小鎮上, 一般人走進银行,就像进了衙门 ,對爺們打躬作揖, 哈腰,説話軽声,唯唯諾諾.  但背地裡都調侃戲谑的稱他们為銀行鬼. 鬼者,有些少能耐,却不完全可靠,既会做順水人情,也能翻舟敗事.

我在六十年代入行,抚躬自问对客户不壞, 也樂予助人,初次聼闻那外号, 總覺得委屈, 耿耿於懷 . 但经过了一段日子的磨練, 也逐漸修厚了臉皮,成了城隍爺. 回溯當年的點點滴滴,發現真的有小撮無聊無知的職員,無情的招呼那些無奈無辜的客户 ,有意無意的整他们.

我现在算是个局外人,冷眼旁观 ,見証了不少鬧劇, 回想起来也禁不住莞爾 我还有在岗位的朋友, 实在没有奚落他们的企图,也不是存心要贬低这行業.紀錄下來的个䅁,如有雷同, 纯属意外.

银行鬼系列

嘟嘟.... 嘟嘟....
電話响断了都没人接, 莫非銀行被人打搶了吧!
再試
嘟嘟.... 嘟嘟....
他說 : 喂!
你想 : 喂?我撥过去九龙的茶餐廳了嗎? 要不要來一客三文治, 絲襪奶茶, 或者咖啡, 飛沙走雪?
你问: 那是某某銀行吗 我找外滙的.
他說 :等下
嘟嘟....嘟嘟.....
哈囉 ! 那边廂像是个金髪碧眼的, 洋腔十足, ….但用詞不當 ,分明是个本地人在装腔作勢.
你問:  我们可以講华語嗎?
她說 : 可以, 你要’座摸’?
你想:  哎呦 ,香蕉人也.
你説:  我要今天的人民幤的兌換率
她説:  負責的不在.
你想 : 你一定是不負责的那一位.
你問 : 那你要我怎辦? 放弃? 留言? 嘱他回電?
再问 : 别人幫不上? 只有一位專人?
嘟嘟.... 嘟嘟... 她似乎不忿,不動聲色撥分机
哈囉 ! 有个嚣张, 不耐烦的声音.
你説:   今天的人民幣甚麼行情?
他吼:  你打錯了, 等 !
嘟嘟.... 嘟嘟....
惡漢說:  沒人聼, 可能在電話中, 再等下!

你想 : 電話裡可住人?

嘟嘟.... 嘟嘟....
断缐了, 氣结了 !

A daughter's diary

My father complained of abdominal irritation. It began with occasional discomfort, and then gradually developed into intermittent sharp shooting pain. This once-upon-a-time Iron Man used to love his platter. But for the past 4 weeks or so, he had been abstaining, his prescribed medication for heart problems included. Warded in the hospital again, he looked rather dejected and discouraged, except when his old mates came a calling. Then there would be an obvious adrenaline rush to support his enthusiasm to catch up. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ He was given a 'routine' check up. The physician told us in no uncertain terms that the patient's condition was unlikely to turnaround. We were warned against harbouring false hope so that we could come to terms with reality and face the inevitable in due course. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I felt warm each time I held his hands and I cherished the moments I could share with him. The mornings were exceptionally special as I often feared he would not see dawn again. What was on his mind, whatever he thought of, whatever he was staring at, seemed to be at a different horizon. There were no sparkles in his eyes, totally without all that shine and colour. I looked at some old snapshots received from my uncle to rediscover his radiant smile. He liked to steal the thunder in group photographs, as he had a unique body language. Mum silently endured all the tantrums he threw, just refused to give up on him. That was 'love means never having to say you’re sorry' . ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dad's condition further deteriorated. His fists were clenched as he endeavoured to put up a fight with the cancer cells that were gnawing at his vitals. In a matter of few days, he aged several folds. It was such a sorry state to behold. As friends came visiting, he looked at them gratefully. Such a quandary for me because on one hand I hoped he would go peacefully, in comfort, along with him his finesse and carefree attitude , no fuss ! On the other hand, I secretly prayed for a miracle. Actually I forgot about the intense operation he had last Friday, it was already a miracle that he survived. My uncle emailed a youtube link. The piece of music was as sweet as bitter. bitter as my mood. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dad weighed a meagre 40 kg. He would neither eat not drink, but allowed the growth to erode his system. For 2 days in a row, his limbs trembled now and then, and went into spasm. Looked as if his brain functions were failing too. He could hardly expressed himself. The doctor increased the dosage as well as frequency of his pain-killer. The specialist declared that any, or a combination of the followings: spreading tumors, weakening heart, malnutrition could cost dad’s endangered life. My sister and I were at the bedside last night and left Mum at home to rest. We were all exhausted. He looked sickly, gloomy, and in pain. I felt the agony too, deep in my heart. The doctor-on-call stopped supplying antibiotics, implying the battle was lost. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This morning father's condition called for red alert. He almost failed to pull through. The physician told us again to prepare our hearts. Dad seemed to have something to tell me, but was too weak to speak up. He had no option but just pat my head and gestured for me to stop crying. Then he waved goodbye, for the fifth time. He spent more and more time in deep slumber. I was afraid he might not wake up again. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- His every single move was clumsy and strenuous. He was far off his prime even before this. We all suffered just looking at him. Doctor said whatever was supposed to take place, would happen soon. He gave him 24 hours. I was not ready to let go as yet. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 30 hours went past. Doctor's estimate was not so accurate after all. Dad slept well, inspite of his slight fever. At a glance, he looked stable without any sign of struggles. Tonight all 3 of us would stay in the ward, just in case. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 30-9-2011, it was 11.35 pm . Father finally passed off. He drew his last breath and shrugged off all his aches and pains. We did not go hysterical, but the tears and pain in our hearts were simply too hard to suppress. We wept bitterly in each other’s arms. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fare you well my father. He was cremated and the ritual was swiftly over amidst traces of peace , tranquility and the 'miss-you' feelings. Dad's friends and folks came to pay their last respect and see him off his final journey on earth. I thought he might be pleased. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was so ironical that it had to be my birthday. We took a boat at around 2 pm & had his ashes scattered off shore. Mum shrieked for a few minutes, releasing all her pent-up emotions. Sea waves echoed, mingling with the cries of seagull, otherwise, silence was just deafening. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was some memory, totally unforgettable. I could still feel the breeze, that rustled through my long hair, leaving behind tiny crystals of salt. As I looked back, pedal of flowers were set in motion by the waves, drifting apart. Then I realised I no longer had this someone I could lean on. That helplessness almost had me drowned.

新春感言

同學們, 

丹楓把她的賀歲詞交給我, 前後有一星期的光景吧, 但種種原因, 現在才能完稿, 變了姍姍來遲旳新春......不過還好, 農曆新年還未到, 她是在拜早年唄 !

小妹妹的呼籲確是及時雨, 我們可別允許 619盛會, 轟轟烈烈的經不起平淡. 套幾句某電影的經典對白:

像经年累月的拼图游戏, 不管散落在地上的碎片有多少，持之以恒，总是能慢慢捡拾回.....

要砌成原來完整的樣貌是不可能的, 但大家都會懷念那些年, 我們一起追求過的夢想, 還有那曖曖昧昧的戲言吧.

.

說真的, 我們得繼續保存這連繫, 經營這同窗情誼, 互相鼓勵, 彼此扶持, 畢竟我們不再有另一段奢侈的四十五年了, 

各位珍重.

佳安謹上

她說 :

2011 年匆匆的落幕, 2012 年在萬眾期待的歡呼聲中, 向我們展現新姿.

回顧去年旳林林總總, 6 月19 日的舊雨重逢, 給我們帶來無可言喻的歡欣與溫情.  隔了半個世紀, 這一批'少年十五十六時的中學生', 已邁進了夕陽無限好的黃金歲月.  傾盡相見歡之餘, 不免感嘆青春歲月的流失 !

感謝籌備這個盛會的同學, 使我們在闊別四十五年後再次歡聚一堂, 把盞高歌 , 互訴離情. 佳安同學的堅持, 也使我們於集會後在網上魚雁相通, 繼續保持聯絡. 更難得旳是, 舊日情誼依然存在, 好不容易聯絡上張克民老師, 他在百忙之中給我們寫了

幾封信, 讓我們知道他們夫婦的近况. 師恩難忘, 希望大家和這一位良師繼續連繫.

這刻華燈初上, 拉開落地窗簾, 往外眺望, 涼風習習而來, 腳下萬家燈火, 遠山上雲頂高原的燈光, 調皮的向我眨眼, 多迷人的景色, 多美好的時光 ! 讓我們以感恩, 喜樂的心情, 迎接這嶄新的一年, 希望 2012 年會更好, 祝大家百尺竿頭 , 萬事如意

丹楓上

谢谢佳安也谢谢丹枫，多谢你们时常花时间，花精神寄来许多感性和温馨的文章，给同学们带来不少的生活情趣和温情，也是你们时时给619加温加热，让大家都有一些联系。佳安说的好，咱们都年华不再，应该多些联系，多些关怀，不负那些年同窗之谊，期待另一次的聚会，祝大家新年进步，身体健康，万事如意。志育上

2012 年的第一塲祝福

2011年快結束了, 正要迎接新的一年之前,  我盼望老師

  

  

每一個牽掛, 得到一個應許,

每一場挑戰, 得到一個祝福,

失意時得著鼓勵

迷惘時得著啟示

嘆息後聴到完美的音符,

風暴後看見彩虹, 

黑暗中看見曙光

一滴淚水, 緊跟的便是一連串歡笑

 

我們一群人會以個別的方式為兩位老師禱告,祈福 !  

 

回首話當年

 

 

一九六九年二月(農曆正月)廿八日對我來說是一個很有紀念性的特殊日子.  那一天我在弟妹和母親的依依惜別之下, 我邁向了人生的另一個里程碑, 含淚揮別了家人 至親好友 我的第二故鄉---怡保, 還有心中牽掛的故人, 只身到百里迢迢以外的彭亨州直凉華小去當臨教 . 從怡保到直凉, 十個小時以上的路程啊, 走過那險峻, 九曲十三彎的文冬山 , 越過連綿不斷的橡膠園 ,一路上只見膠樹不見人 ,車一走過便揚起了漫天的塵土 那種荒涼淒清的景象 ,若非身歷其境 ,是很難想象的.

到直凉的那一天是大年初三, 在校長及同事們熱誠的接待之下, 我渡過了第一個離郷背景的長夜. 第二天一早梳洗完畢,吃過早點,上課鐘聲一響, 正式開鑼, 我當老師了! 事隔四十二年, 當時的情景至今仍歷歷在目.  前塵往事, 點滴到心頭, 當時的我不到二十歲 ,身上穿着母親為我臨時趕做好的紅色連身裙 ,直髮, 頭上繫了一條粉紅色的絲巾, 滿臉的稚氣 ,手裡拿着一條細長的籐鞭, 雖然膽怯, 但仍裝着若無其事的走進課室,

 "新老師來了, 那麼年輕, 不知會兇嗎?" ,  

"噓, 別鬧了, 她在看我們呢 !"   學生們在私下評論.

 

那是我在直凉華小的第一堂課, 五年級的學生, 好些連英文字母都認不全, 怎麼教呢? 離家前父親曾給了我一些教學的竅門, 有兩點是我永遠記得的. (1) 教學前先引起學生對學習的興趣  (2) 因才施教.  這兩個竅門使我在漫長的教學生涯中受惠無窮.  話說回來, 那一節課, 我一共唱過,教了三首英文歌曲, 幼兒園的”ABC song” , 簡單易懂的"小星星",” Twinkle twinkle stars”, “Row, row, row your boat” 一節課下來, 三首歌曲連帶表情都學會了, 學生們唱得高興, 我也沾沾自喜, 因為我知道, 他們已經喜歡上了我這稚氣未脫初出茅蘆的小老師, 開始准備學英語了.

 

放學後在宿舍裡仔細的看了校務處給我分配的功課表, 竟然有十節音樂課, 樂不可支. 當年的兒童歌曲, 從一年級的"大蘋果" 到五六年級的 "西風的話", "送別", "可愛的一朵玫瑰花" 等, 我是無一不曉,  無一不能唱啊 ! 音樂課在早上十點休息時間過後, 帶著歡愉的心情, 我以輕快的腳步, 走進了課室.

  "老師,  我們正在學唱 "蘭花花", 您會唱吧?"

 

不得了,  六年級的學生考起我來了. 定晴一看,站起來的小男生, 個子跟我一樣高, 五官端正, 一臉旳酷, 是個翩翩美少男, 他又加了一句, "我是甚麼歌都會唱的." 幸好我有備而來, 也算是高手. 清了清喉嚨, 高歌一曲 "蘭花花", 洗耳恭聴之後, 他們竟然給了我如雷的掌聲, 總算口服心服.

 

兩個星期過去了, 開始適應也逐漸愛上了教學生涯.  學生們多數家境清貧, 父母更為要養育衆多的子女從早忙到晚, 而這些年紀小小的孩子們放學後都是小當家, 女生要幫忙照顧弟妹,料理家務, 男生則要收膠片, 做粗重的工作. 溫習功課的時間少之又少, 學習成績是不理想的, , 但他們敬愛師長, 純樸善良, 在孩子們天真無邪的臉上, 在他們毫不造作的言行舉止, 我看到了人性光輝美好的一面, 找到了真, 善, 美. 我知道我今生今世, 再也放不下教鞭, 立志要成為一個諄諄善誘的良師.

 

當了八年的臨教, 每年的十二月尾都為明年會否被續聘而苦惱, 徹夜無眠. 一九七六年六月, 我終於被選進第六屆假期師訓班, 父親在逝世前, 總算親眼看見這個我行我素, 使他老人家傷透腦筋的女兒找到了可托終身旳職業, 當時爸爸在信上說:"丹楓妳苦等了八年, 終於進了師訓. 我心中的快樂, 非筆墨 ,言語能形容....."

 

 

四個月之后, 父親走了 ! 我有幸能及時捎起他一個最好的消息, 也是身為女兒的我最後送給他, 令他老人家最感 欣慰的一份禮物------那就是我將受訓成為合格老師. 教學生涯三十六年. 在莘莘學子的陪伴下走過悲歡歲月, 雖曾經過風風兩雨, 也曾因受委屈而心酸落淚, 待遇又是那麼 的菲薄, 但內心卻是富足的.

“橫眉冷對千夫指, 俯首甘為孺子牛", 總算不枉此生了 !

 

 

 

  後序: 謹以此文, 悼念辭世三十五年, 勞碌一生的父親, 我們父女相處的時間很少, 但骨肉情深,   與生俱來.

  我是天主教徒,不該也不可相信,有來世今生, 但心中總是有這樣的呼喚:

  " 親愛的爸爸, 願來生重續父女緣, 彌補今生情大太暫"

 

  12/11/2011 完稿-----蕭丹楓

An undelivered love letter

念你

40年，夫妻能夠手走過這1萬4600天、35萬0400分鐘，真不容易。雖然至終總有一人會先脫隊 ，留下的酸甜苦辣，總能織成一篇七彩的回憶圖，夫復何求

這是一封充滿淚水, 耐着心碎一字一字寫, 但永遠寄不出的情書.....由丹楓親筆完成, 過程中除了她哭泣. 就只聼到幾乎停的呼吸......

Yours truly

-------- 

走過水果攤, 看見一筐筐熟透的水蓊, 紅艷欲滴! 心底一酸, 眼淚在眶中打轉, 被自己這種突如其來的反應嚇了一跳, 不是好端端的嗎? 怎會一刹間傷心落淚? 深埋在心中的思念, 像缺了崼的洪水, 排山倒海而來.

那一個早晨, 帶着你告別了我們曾經苦樂與共的家園, 留下了滿屋子的回憶, 揮別了那無語東流的麻河水, 邁向我人生的另一段旅程.

車子在我們一共同走過千百回的隆麻大道奔馳, 兩個小時後抵達了孝恩園, 把你留在那裡, 心中萬般不捨, 就讓那成蔭的綠樹, 呢喃的鳥語, 遠處含笑的青山與你為伴吧 !

回到住處, 打開冰箱看見那一大串熟透, 紅透的水蓊, 胖嘟嘟的躺在裡頭, 那是十天前從麻坡特地帶來女兒家的, 又大又紅的果實, 翠綠的葉子, 生意盎然, 好像剛從樹上採下來的.  記得病中的你一手拿着剪刀, 一手提着紅艷誘人的水蓊, 笑着對我說: 漂亮吧  這是我第一次從這樹上收成的果實.  這就是你, 即使在病中也那麼有閒情逸緻, 熱愛生活, 典型的完美主義者.

你特意把綠葉留下, 讓綠意盈盈的葉子和褐色的枝椏襯托岀果實的紅艷. 把水蓊分了吃, 都說: 好甜 ! 我也嘗了, 的確甜 . 可是我心中只有一個字:苦 !

多年來你栽種了不計其數的蔬果, 除了我們一家五口, 鄰居, 親朋戚友都分得一杯羹, 你走後我們還能嘗到你親手栽種的果子, 甜也好, 苦也罷, 你把遺愛常留人間 !

曾几何時, 慌亂中把你送進了吉隆坡中央醫院急診室, 兩天後 (2009年二月八日), 早上九點正, 看着你咽下最後一口氣, 眼角帶着最後一滴淚, 萬般不捨的離去! 抱着冰冷的你, 給你送上我最後吻別, 無奈啊! 從此人天兩隔, 永不相見! 你對我無微不至的細心呵護, 萬千的寵愛與寬容, 對家庭無私的奉獻與犧牲, 我這枝拙筆, 又何足以描繪其萬分之一, 唏噓啊 !

我們四十年的情份, 就此畫上了休止符, 走筆至此, 再也寫不下去了, 再深的情緣, 到頭來終需一別, 轉眼成空. "吾真真不能忘汝也". 安息吧 !  你的妻子懷念你 !

Dear Dan Fong,

You are a very blessed woman to be so loved and treasured by you late husband.  Time is a good antidote for pain and loss.  May the sweet memory and the thought that your late husband is now in a far better place where there is no pain nor sorrow comforts and motivates you to move on like what Chee Yoke has put it so succinctly.  .. Jock Hua

Like a love story movie ,Dan Fong's casual writting style vividly painted her early happy family life in a little town in Johore.I can imagine her late husband  must be kind, loving and a good father. Without doubt Dan Fong will always treasure this episode of Endless love that has enriched her life in many ways. I am deeply touched…Haee Lee

不能忘记已往，总是緬懷过去，这是人之常情，但是逝者如斯，在人生河流裡，不管甜酸苦辣，欢欣得失，就在流失的日子裡，不知不觉都溜走了。人生苦短，我们也无需迷失在过去的日子，要向前望，尽量充实生活，让人生更多彩，祝愿丹枫生活更加幸福美好，这是您先生和你们的孩子的期望，也是大家的期待。愿大家共勉之，谢谢。Chee Yoke

Hi all

Dan Fong asks me to convey to you the followings:

When you laugh, the whole world laughs with you.  When you weep, you weep alone.

Over the years I have been crying alone.  Thank you very much for taking the trouble to read my love letter of no return and share my sorrows and pain of my recent loss.  Some of you  responded with words that really touched my heart, and I cried a river.  But I know that I am not  totally on my own, and I’ll probably will never Walk alone again.

Though we are at different corners of the world, our true friendship, genuine love and sincere, care and concern for one another will bring us even closer together. Do keep in touch, my dear friends, classmates and 'countrymen".

Signed: Siow DF

Beautiful life

Dear all

I have sent this to some of you before, but you may not have put a finger to it.  I tried to make a summary of XX's temperament, his nature, his way of doing things, addressing problems.  Like the rest of us, he was not perfect, but he was quite a character.  We loved him for the way he was....cool, decisive.  He did live his life full, and I honestly don't think he had many regrets.  Let us accept his demise as a reality  and come to terms with it.  Let us try and stick together as he wanted us to, and not let his efforts go to waste.  May he rest in peace

同學們

之前我有寄給各位以下的感言,不過我有沒誏大家了解我的動機.

XX的性格作風,待人接物, 處事的方式,大家都記得. 他就像我們一樣, 不屬十全十美那類. 但肯定夠酷, 果斷. 他有豐盛的一生, 的確是不虛此行. 我們要接受他真的走了, 我們得維持這團契,同窗之誼 繼續他的心願

願他安息

 

P/s The late XXX's family wants to thank each and every one of you, regardless of your absence or presence at the funeral, for all the kind thoughts, prayers, gifts, jokes, and all that fetching and carrying, whatever it took to put a smile on his face.

 

 

旅途

 

 

當一切停頓

記憶化為麈埃

我必不回顧

過去是否精彩

活得可夠充實 

我的冷漠令人心碎 ? 

        真誠可曾感染  ?

執著讓人敬畏  ?

平凡引人注目  ?

不算終止

甭畫句點

惟因我到過

我看見  我嘗試

  我努力  我擁有

我將漸漸遺忘

    慢慢淡出

過了這站  又是另一段旅途

 

When things come to a halt

Memories turn to naught

I won't hasten to look back, and wonder:

Did I live my life full ?

Was it as splendid as it is colourful ?

Was my indifference disheartening?

My honesty and integrity permeating?

Persistence raised an eyebrow or two ?

Low profile attracted attention too?

It is by no means a termination, just culmination

I won't pause it with punctuation

All because I came, endeavored

Strived, gained and obtained

I'll put it at the back of my mind surely

As I ease out gradually

After this station, there will be a new journey

Wonderful Maker, Beautiful Creator

As I was growing up in the Highlands, I often was amazed by the existence of certain flora and fauna there.  Even the hills seemed dignified and majestic.  The geography and science lessons later only added my admiration for nature, long before I came to know the Creator.

We cannot hope to catch a glimpse of wind, but we certainly can feel it, in our hair, on our faces.  There is the gentle breeze that ripples the surface of a pond, the northerly wind that gives us the chill, the gale strong enough to break the sail of a ship, and the hurricane that travels with such velocity and ferocity that homes and lives are destroyed along it's path.  It can be so mighty and awesome !

Some plants yield timber, edible fruits, and some are grown for mere ornamental purposes. Roses are the most esteemed of all cultivated plants. Sometimes even the foliage is fragrant.  They come in red, pink, white and even green species have been sighted, no less exotic than flowers such as rafflesia, tulips, violets and the like that come in bright yellow, blue and even black.  The same colours make up rainbow, which comes with a larger outer layer at times, donning the same outfit inside out.  Need we ask "Who paints the sky?". Whereas these are trees that are evergreen, deciduous trees turn their leaves to red and yellow, and shed them off when the weather gets severe.  As mist permeates the forest at dawn, it adds a touch of mystic to the air.  What a magical sight to behold !

Blue sky signifies clear weather, which is normally accompanied by white and silky clouds. Dark grey stratus will bring rain and snow.  Snow flakes literally come down in millions. The crystals are 6 sided, or 12.  Apparently no two samples taken are identical.  They differ from one another in size, lacy structure  and surface markings.  Rain that patters on the leaves, drizzles that whet the appetite of the good earth, heavy downpour that cleanses and ionizes the air, are all but creation of the Almighty, for different reasons, in different seasons; God makes all that is unique and precise.

They say, little drops of water, little drops of sand, make the mighty oceans and land.  Did someone excavate earth to make space for lakes and oceans, and pile them up for hills and mountain ranges ? Who is so imaginative and powerful ?  Rivers meander across the plain, as though they are capable of negotiating corners.  And all those creatures living above and below sea level, would they be just part of the evolution ?

We know better that it's all His work.  He was there before all those came into being.  He is with us now, and He will still be around when most of the subjects He created, have gone from dust to dust, earth to earth, ashes to ashes.  He is the Alpha, and Omega, the first, the last, the living one.  Let us sing praises to Him:

Wind that rustles thro' bushes

Breeze that ruffles still waters

Raindrop falling on the ground

Snow flakes floating all around

Morning dew that mystifies

And sunsets that mesmerize

O my Wonderful Maker

Such Beautiful Creator

Who makes everything precise?

Colours that make up rainbow

Brooks that flow across meadows

Lakes and valleys and green hills

Roses, white, daffodils

Rocks and boulders, golden sand

Deep seas, oceans, Promised land

O my Wonderful Maker

Such Beautiful Creator

Who makes everything in sight

You are Alpha & Omega

The First, the Last, the Living One

You created us, gave us life

You are the Almighty , Our God

Thank You for all Your love and grace

We worship You and give You praise...............

In my hours of need



God allows us to be tested in many ways--major changes such as separations, broken relationship, delayed promises, unanswered prayers, undeserved and uncalled for criticism, even senseless mishaps. At times He intentionally draws back so that we do not sense His closeness. Should I call that a test of faith?

I was once thrown into trouble, big time. And it came upon me like lightning, no warning whatsoever. And in all that fright and confusion, I felt hopelessly helpless as I was left to fend for myself, totally on my own. I wished it was a nightmare and yet I could not shake it off because it was real. In my sorrow and distress, I prayed to God and cried out to Him. I asked "Why is it happening? Why me Lord?" And I complained bitterly to the Lord. I told Him I was afraid. I pleaded for mercy, and begged to be rescued. The ordeal seemed endless and timeless. Sometimes I could not tell if it was day or night. I questioned God now and then, asked Him why He had forsaken me. But there was no answer and frankly at times, I was so desperate that I asked Him to take me home, His or mine, it no longer mattered. But in the nick of time, I remembered that God would do things in His own timing, and have everything done in His time.So inspite of all that anguish, despair and fear, I realised I should not challenge God's authority. He is the Almighty. He is in control and most of all, He loved me. Had He not, I could have been blown out easily like a candle. I apologised profusely to Him, and said, "I'm sorry God, for doubting You".

Having come to terms with that, I promised not to question Him again. Complaint followed by faith, desperation followed by praise. I thanked Him each and every day. I thanked Him for the promised eternity, and thank Him for life itself, because every breath I took was given by Him. And slowly but surely, He delivered me, and I was able to see light at the end of the tunnel. We may not understand God's purpose in our difficulties and sufferings, but we must trust and obey, and hope in Him despite the trials that threaten to overwhelm us. While we wait for that comfort, we can be assured that God will not allow us to be tested beyond our ability to bear. We will not suffer one moment extra, nor will we suffer more intensely than is necessary, or be tried beyond our endurance. His are the potter's hands. He knows how to mould and shape. He is the one who mans the furnace. He monitors the entire process with total precision. I still am not 100% sure He put me through all that, but I believe He did it for a good reason---perhaps tostrengthen me, reveal a weakness, or to prepare me for bigger things or broaden my horizon, so to speak.James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Till now, I must confess, I am still some work-in-progress. But I'd learnt to accept the things He has in store for me, with thanks giving in my heart. I penned that experience of mine in a song, put together by a few friends. We are not polished musicians and I personally don't even have the basic skills. Yet God empowered the team to work together. We knew we simply have to do it for God, to the glory of His name and we cherished every minute in the process. If the melody or the words let you feel the warmth of God's love, or the might of His power, or the reliability of His faithfulness, Praise the Lord........

You'd forsaken me, Lord?

There was no light I could not see
There was no way I just could not find
So then I asked You'd forsaken me Lord?
I even cried You'd forsaken me Lord!

There's no answer I did not hear
There were no signs And I did not see
So then I asked You'd forsaken me Lord?
I even cried You'd forsaken me Lord!

Be patient You said Trust and wait on me
Those that belong Shall not perish
Weep no more child I'll mould and I'll shape
Those that belong Wait not in vain.

There was no cheer I did not hear
There was no joy As I did not feel
So then I asked You'd forsaken me Lord?
I even cried You'd forsaken me Lord

Be patient You said Trust and wait on me
Those that belong Shall not perish
Weep no more child I'll mould and I'll shape
Those that belong Wait not in vain.
I,m sorry Lord for the unbelief
I know You will deliver me
Salvation comes Your will be done
If it's Your will It shall be done
There were no tears I cried no more
There was no pain Cause You'd taken it all
So then I said I surrender it all
With all I have I surrender it all