回首話當年

 

 

一九六九年二月(農曆正月)廿八日對我來說是一個很有紀念性的特殊日子.  那一天我在弟妹和母親的依依惜別之下, 我邁向了人生的另一個里程碑, 含淚揮別了家人 至親好友 我的第二故鄉---怡保, 還有心中牽掛的故人, 只身到百里迢迢以外的彭亨州直凉華小去當臨教 . 從怡保到直凉, 十個小時以上的路程啊, 走過那險峻, 九曲十三彎的文冬山 , 越過連綿不斷的橡膠園 ,一路上只見膠樹不見人 ,車一走過便揚起了漫天的塵土 那種荒涼淒清的景象 ,若非身歷其境 ,是很難想象的.

到直凉的那一天是大年初三, 在校長及同事們熱誠的接待之下, 我渡過了第一個離郷背景的長夜. 第二天一早梳洗完畢,吃過早點,上課鐘聲一響, 正式開鑼, 我當老師了! 事隔四十二年, 當時的情景至今仍歷歷在目.  前塵往事, 點滴到心頭, 當時的我不到二十歲 ,身上穿着母親為我臨時趕做好的紅色連身裙 ,直髮, 頭上繫了一條粉紅色的絲巾, 滿臉的稚氣 ,手裡拿着一條細長的籐鞭, 雖然膽怯, 但仍裝着若無其事的走進課室,

 "新老師來了, 那麼年輕, 不知會兇嗎?" ,  

"噓, 別鬧了, 她在看我們呢 !"   學生們在私下評論.

 

那是我在直凉華小的第一堂課, 五年級的學生, 好些連英文字母都認不全, 怎麼教呢? 離家前父親曾給了我一些教學的竅門, 有兩點是我永遠記得的. (1) 教學前先引起學生對學習的興趣  (2) 因才施教.  這兩個竅門使我在漫長的教學生涯中受惠無窮.  話說回來, 那一節課, 我一共唱過,教了三首英文歌曲, 幼兒園的”ABC song” , 簡單易懂的"小星星",” Twinkle twinkle stars”, “Row, row, row your boat” 一節課下來, 三首歌曲連帶表情都學會了, 學生們唱得高興, 我也沾沾自喜, 因為我知道, 他們已經喜歡上了我這稚氣未脫初出茅蘆的小老師, 開始准備學英語了.

 

放學後在宿舍裡仔細的看了校務處給我分配的功課表, 竟然有十節音樂課, 樂不可支. 當年的兒童歌曲, 從一年級的"大蘋果" 到五六年級的 "西風的話", "送別", "可愛的一朵玫瑰花" 等, 我是無一不曉,  無一不能唱啊 ! 音樂課在早上十點休息時間過後, 帶著歡愉的心情, 我以輕快的腳步, 走進了課室.

  "老師,  我們正在學唱 "蘭花花", 您會唱吧?"

 

不得了,  六年級的學生考起我來了. 定晴一看,站起來的小男生, 個子跟我一樣高, 五官端正, 一臉旳酷, 是個翩翩美少男, 他又加了一句, "我是甚麼歌都會唱的." 幸好我有備而來, 也算是高手. 清了清喉嚨, 高歌一曲 "蘭花花", 洗耳恭聴之後, 他們竟然給了我如雷的掌聲, 總算口服心服.

 

兩個星期過去了, 開始適應也逐漸愛上了教學生涯.  學生們多數家境清貧, 父母更為要養育衆多的子女從早忙到晚, 而這些年紀小小的孩子們放學後都是小當家, 女生要幫忙照顧弟妹,料理家務, 男生則要收膠片, 做粗重的工作. 溫習功課的時間少之又少, 學習成績是不理想的, , 但他們敬愛師長, 純樸善良, 在孩子們天真無邪的臉上, 在他們毫不造作的言行舉止, 我看到了人性光輝美好的一面, 找到了真, 善, 美. 我知道我今生今世, 再也放不下教鞭, 立志要成為一個諄諄善誘的良師.

 

當了八年的臨教, 每年的十二月尾都為明年會否被續聘而苦惱, 徹夜無眠. 一九七六年六月, 我終於被選進第六屆假期師訓班, 父親在逝世前, 總算親眼看見這個我行我素, 使他老人家傷透腦筋的女兒找到了可托終身旳職業, 當時爸爸在信上說:"丹楓妳苦等了八年, 終於進了師訓. 我心中的快樂, 非筆墨 ,言語能形容....."

 

 

四個月之后, 父親走了 ! 我有幸能及時捎起他一個最好的消息, 也是身為女兒的我最後送給他, 令他老人家最感 欣慰的一份禮物------那就是我將受訓成為合格老師. 教學生涯三十六年. 在莘莘學子的陪伴下走過悲歡歲月, 雖曾經過風風兩雨, 也曾因受委屈而心酸落淚, 待遇又是那麼 的菲薄, 但內心卻是富足的.

“橫眉冷對千夫指, 俯首甘為孺子牛", 總算不枉此生了 !

 

 

 

  後序: 謹以此文, 悼念辭世三十五年, 勞碌一生的父親, 我們父女相處的時間很少, 但骨肉情深,   與生俱來.

  我是天主教徒,不該也不可相信,有來世今生, 但心中總是有這樣的呼喚:

  " 親愛的爸爸, 願來生重續父女緣, 彌補今生情大太暫"

 

  12/11/2011 完稿-----蕭丹楓

An undelivered love letter

念你

40年，夫妻能夠手走過這1萬4600天、35萬0400分鐘，真不容易。雖然至終總有一人會先脫隊 ，留下的酸甜苦辣，總能織成一篇七彩的回憶圖，夫復何求

這是一封充滿淚水, 耐着心碎一字一字寫, 但永遠寄不出的情書.....由丹楓親筆完成, 過程中除了她哭泣. 就只聼到幾乎停的呼吸......

Yours truly

-------- 

走過水果攤, 看見一筐筐熟透的水蓊, 紅艷欲滴! 心底一酸, 眼淚在眶中打轉, 被自己這種突如其來的反應嚇了一跳, 不是好端端的嗎? 怎會一刹間傷心落淚? 深埋在心中的思念, 像缺了崼的洪水, 排山倒海而來.

那一個早晨, 帶着你告別了我們曾經苦樂與共的家園, 留下了滿屋子的回憶, 揮別了那無語東流的麻河水, 邁向我人生的另一段旅程.

車子在我們一共同走過千百回的隆麻大道奔馳, 兩個小時後抵達了孝恩園, 把你留在那裡, 心中萬般不捨, 就讓那成蔭的綠樹, 呢喃的鳥語, 遠處含笑的青山與你為伴吧 !

回到住處, 打開冰箱看見那一大串熟透, 紅透的水蓊, 胖嘟嘟的躺在裡頭, 那是十天前從麻坡特地帶來女兒家的, 又大又紅的果實, 翠綠的葉子, 生意盎然, 好像剛從樹上採下來的.  記得病中的你一手拿着剪刀, 一手提着紅艷誘人的水蓊, 笑着對我說: 漂亮吧  這是我第一次從這樹上收成的果實.  這就是你, 即使在病中也那麼有閒情逸緻, 熱愛生活, 典型的完美主義者.

你特意把綠葉留下, 讓綠意盈盈的葉子和褐色的枝椏襯托岀果實的紅艷. 把水蓊分了吃, 都說: 好甜 ! 我也嘗了, 的確甜 . 可是我心中只有一個字:苦 !

多年來你栽種了不計其數的蔬果, 除了我們一家五口, 鄰居, 親朋戚友都分得一杯羹, 你走後我們還能嘗到你親手栽種的果子, 甜也好, 苦也罷, 你把遺愛常留人間 !

曾几何時, 慌亂中把你送進了吉隆坡中央醫院急診室, 兩天後 (2009年二月八日), 早上九點正, 看着你咽下最後一口氣, 眼角帶着最後一滴淚, 萬般不捨的離去! 抱着冰冷的你, 給你送上我最後吻別, 無奈啊! 從此人天兩隔, 永不相見! 你對我無微不至的細心呵護, 萬千的寵愛與寬容, 對家庭無私的奉獻與犧牲, 我這枝拙筆, 又何足以描繪其萬分之一, 唏噓啊 !

我們四十年的情份, 就此畫上了休止符, 走筆至此, 再也寫不下去了, 再深的情緣, 到頭來終需一別, 轉眼成空. "吾真真不能忘汝也". 安息吧 !  你的妻子懷念你 !

Dear Dan Fong,

You are a very blessed woman to be so loved and treasured by you late husband.  Time is a good antidote for pain and loss.  May the sweet memory and the thought that your late husband is now in a far better place where there is no pain nor sorrow comforts and motivates you to move on like what Chee Yoke has put it so succinctly.  .. Jock Hua

Like a love story movie ,Dan Fong's casual writting style vividly painted her early happy family life in a little town in Johore.I can imagine her late husband  must be kind, loving and a good father. Without doubt Dan Fong will always treasure this episode of Endless love that has enriched her life in many ways. I am deeply touched…Haee Lee

不能忘记已往，总是緬懷过去，这是人之常情，但是逝者如斯，在人生河流裡，不管甜酸苦辣，欢欣得失，就在流失的日子裡，不知不觉都溜走了。人生苦短，我们也无需迷失在过去的日子，要向前望，尽量充实生活，让人生更多彩，祝愿丹枫生活更加幸福美好，这是您先生和你们的孩子的期望，也是大家的期待。愿大家共勉之，谢谢。Chee Yoke

Hi all

Dan Fong asks me to convey to you the followings:

When you laugh, the whole world laughs with you.  When you weep, you weep alone.

Over the years I have been crying alone.  Thank you very much for taking the trouble to read my love letter of no return and share my sorrows and pain of my recent loss.  Some of you  responded with words that really touched my heart, and I cried a river.  But I know that I am not  totally on my own, and I’ll probably will never Walk alone again.

Though we are at different corners of the world, our true friendship, genuine love and sincere, care and concern for one another will bring us even closer together. Do keep in touch, my dear friends, classmates and 'countrymen".

Signed: Siow DF

Beautiful life

Dear all

I have sent this to some of you before, but you may not have put a finger to it.  I tried to make a summary of XX's temperament, his nature, his way of doing things, addressing problems.  Like the rest of us, he was not perfect, but he was quite a character.  We loved him for the way he was....cool, decisive.  He did live his life full, and I honestly don't think he had many regrets.  Let us accept his demise as a reality  and come to terms with it.  Let us try and stick together as he wanted us to, and not let his efforts go to waste.  May he rest in peace

同學們

之前我有寄給各位以下的感言,不過我有沒誏大家了解我的動機.

XX的性格作風,待人接物, 處事的方式,大家都記得. 他就像我們一樣, 不屬十全十美那類. 但肯定夠酷, 果斷. 他有豐盛的一生, 的確是不虛此行. 我們要接受他真的走了, 我們得維持這團契,同窗之誼 繼續他的心願

願他安息

 

P/s The late XXX's family wants to thank each and every one of you, regardless of your absence or presence at the funeral, for all the kind thoughts, prayers, gifts, jokes, and all that fetching and carrying, whatever it took to put a smile on his face.

 

 

旅途

 

 

當一切停頓

記憶化為麈埃

我必不回顧

過去是否精彩

活得可夠充實 

我的冷漠令人心碎 ? 

        真誠可曾感染  ?

執著讓人敬畏  ?

平凡引人注目  ?

不算終止

甭畫句點

惟因我到過

我看見  我嘗試

  我努力  我擁有

我將漸漸遺忘

    慢慢淡出

過了這站  又是另一段旅途

 

When things come to a halt

Memories turn to naught

I won't hasten to look back, and wonder:

Did I live my life full ?

Was it as splendid as it is colourful ?

Was my indifference disheartening?

My honesty and integrity permeating?

Persistence raised an eyebrow or two ?

Low profile attracted attention too?

It is by no means a termination, just culmination

I won't pause it with punctuation

All because I came, endeavored

Strived, gained and obtained

I'll put it at the back of my mind surely

As I ease out gradually

After this station, there will be a new journey

Wonderful Maker, Beautiful Creator

As I was growing up in the Highlands, I often was amazed by the existence of certain flora and fauna there.  Even the hills seemed dignified and majestic.  The geography and science lessons later only added my admiration for nature, long before I came to know the Creator.

We cannot hope to catch a glimpse of wind, but we certainly can feel it, in our hair, on our faces.  There is the gentle breeze that ripples the surface of a pond, the northerly wind that gives us the chill, the gale strong enough to break the sail of a ship, and the hurricane that travels with such velocity and ferocity that homes and lives are destroyed along it's path.  It can be so mighty and awesome !

Some plants yield timber, edible fruits, and some are grown for mere ornamental purposes. Roses are the most esteemed of all cultivated plants. Sometimes even the foliage is fragrant.  They come in red, pink, white and even green species have been sighted, no less exotic than flowers such as rafflesia, tulips, violets and the like that come in bright yellow, blue and even black.  The same colours make up rainbow, which comes with a larger outer layer at times, donning the same outfit inside out.  Need we ask "Who paints the sky?". Whereas these are trees that are evergreen, deciduous trees turn their leaves to red and yellow, and shed them off when the weather gets severe.  As mist permeates the forest at dawn, it adds a touch of mystic to the air.  What a magical sight to behold !

Blue sky signifies clear weather, which is normally accompanied by white and silky clouds. Dark grey stratus will bring rain and snow.  Snow flakes literally come down in millions. The crystals are 6 sided, or 12.  Apparently no two samples taken are identical.  They differ from one another in size, lacy structure  and surface markings.  Rain that patters on the leaves, drizzles that whet the appetite of the good earth, heavy downpour that cleanses and ionizes the air, are all but creation of the Almighty, for different reasons, in different seasons; God makes all that is unique and precise.

They say, little drops of water, little drops of sand, make the mighty oceans and land.  Did someone excavate earth to make space for lakes and oceans, and pile them up for hills and mountain ranges ? Who is so imaginative and powerful ?  Rivers meander across the plain, as though they are capable of negotiating corners.  And all those creatures living above and below sea level, would they be just part of the evolution ?

We know better that it's all His work.  He was there before all those came into being.  He is with us now, and He will still be around when most of the subjects He created, have gone from dust to dust, earth to earth, ashes to ashes.  He is the Alpha, and Omega, the first, the last, the living one.  Let us sing praises to Him:

Wind that rustles thro' bushes

Breeze that ruffles still waters

Raindrop falling on the ground

Snow flakes floating all around

Morning dew that mystifies

And sunsets that mesmerize

O my Wonderful Maker

Such Beautiful Creator

Who makes everything precise?

Colours that make up rainbow

Brooks that flow across meadows

Lakes and valleys and green hills

Roses, white, daffodils

Rocks and boulders, golden sand

Deep seas, oceans, Promised land

O my Wonderful Maker

Such Beautiful Creator

Who makes everything in sight

You are Alpha & Omega

The First, the Last, the Living One

You created us, gave us life

You are the Almighty , Our God

Thank You for all Your love and grace

We worship You and give You praise...............

In my hours of need



God allows us to be tested in many ways--major changes such as separations, broken relationship, delayed promises, unanswered prayers, undeserved and uncalled for criticism, even senseless mishaps. At times He intentionally draws back so that we do not sense His closeness. Should I call that a test of faith?

I was once thrown into trouble, big time. And it came upon me like lightning, no warning whatsoever. And in all that fright and confusion, I felt hopelessly helpless as I was left to fend for myself, totally on my own. I wished it was a nightmare and yet I could not shake it off because it was real. In my sorrow and distress, I prayed to God and cried out to Him. I asked "Why is it happening? Why me Lord?" And I complained bitterly to the Lord. I told Him I was afraid. I pleaded for mercy, and begged to be rescued. The ordeal seemed endless and timeless. Sometimes I could not tell if it was day or night. I questioned God now and then, asked Him why He had forsaken me. But there was no answer and frankly at times, I was so desperate that I asked Him to take me home, His or mine, it no longer mattered. But in the nick of time, I remembered that God would do things in His own timing, and have everything done in His time.So inspite of all that anguish, despair and fear, I realised I should not challenge God's authority. He is the Almighty. He is in control and most of all, He loved me. Had He not, I could have been blown out easily like a candle. I apologised profusely to Him, and said, "I'm sorry God, for doubting You".

Having come to terms with that, I promised not to question Him again. Complaint followed by faith, desperation followed by praise. I thanked Him each and every day. I thanked Him for the promised eternity, and thank Him for life itself, because every breath I took was given by Him. And slowly but surely, He delivered me, and I was able to see light at the end of the tunnel. We may not understand God's purpose in our difficulties and sufferings, but we must trust and obey, and hope in Him despite the trials that threaten to overwhelm us. While we wait for that comfort, we can be assured that God will not allow us to be tested beyond our ability to bear. We will not suffer one moment extra, nor will we suffer more intensely than is necessary, or be tried beyond our endurance. His are the potter's hands. He knows how to mould and shape. He is the one who mans the furnace. He monitors the entire process with total precision. I still am not 100% sure He put me through all that, but I believe He did it for a good reason---perhaps tostrengthen me, reveal a weakness, or to prepare me for bigger things or broaden my horizon, so to speak.James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Till now, I must confess, I am still some work-in-progress. But I'd learnt to accept the things He has in store for me, with thanks giving in my heart. I penned that experience of mine in a song, put together by a few friends. We are not polished musicians and I personally don't even have the basic skills. Yet God empowered the team to work together. We knew we simply have to do it for God, to the glory of His name and we cherished every minute in the process. If the melody or the words let you feel the warmth of God's love, or the might of His power, or the reliability of His faithfulness, Praise the Lord........

You'd forsaken me, Lord?

There was no light I could not see
There was no way I just could not find
So then I asked You'd forsaken me Lord?
I even cried You'd forsaken me Lord!

There's no answer I did not hear
There were no signs And I did not see
So then I asked You'd forsaken me Lord?
I even cried You'd forsaken me Lord!

Be patient You said Trust and wait on me
Those that belong Shall not perish
Weep no more child I'll mould and I'll shape
Those that belong Wait not in vain.

There was no cheer I did not hear
There was no joy As I did not feel
So then I asked You'd forsaken me Lord?
I even cried You'd forsaken me Lord

Be patient You said Trust and wait on me
Those that belong Shall not perish
Weep no more child I'll mould and I'll shape
Those that belong Wait not in vain.
I,m sorry Lord for the unbelief
I know You will deliver me
Salvation comes Your will be done
If it's Your will It shall be done
There were no tears I cried no more
There was no pain Cause You'd taken it all
So then I said I surrender it all
With all I have I surrender it all